This is going to be a pretty raw blog post so I hope you are strapped in and ready to fly.
I have been in deep thought for about two weeks now. When I get this way it doesn't show on the outside, but there is an under current of primary thought that consumes me when I am alone. When things are quiet there are those moments when thoughts come out of the woodwork and I wonder, truly wonder about life.
I realized recently that no matter what we do, good or evil, it just falls apart. There is so much insane attention in the media to people's plights, but is anything really accomplished besides a gut reaction and good entertainment? I mean really what good does knowing about something do if you can do nothing about it? Go deeper. What have I accomplished in life? What has anyone accomplished in life? Even if you are the wisest or richest person all your actions, all your living...fades. Can anyone tell me who the ruler of England was 300 years ago? Even if you could what difference does it make? Kingdoms rise, kingdoms fall. Go deeper. Of all the action I have taken some are good and some are evil. All have an affect on someone else, but I can't say what or how far reaching those effects of action go. If perfection is what is required then even if I am Mother Teresa, it still isn't enough. Go deeper. What is the point of life? Everything I do no matter how noble, no matter how selfless is tainted. Nothing I ever do will escape some sort of human failing or taint. Chew on that for a moment. It really breaks things down. If you are a legalist you are really screwed, if you are religious you should really question why you do all the things you do. If you are irreligious and don't care then you are just making things worse.
Now as a caveat I will say that no matter how much I question I still believe what I believe. None of my questions are really going to change that. I just constantly need to know why. It is just who I am.
Christians (of which I would say I am one) believe in a eternal, all present, all knowing, all controlling God who is good. Now in some sense what should someone with all the power in the world do? Shouldn't those with the most power take care of those without it? This levels quite a responsibility on God, but lets flip it around. If I created a robot (or animate thinking thing) shouldn't that robot be subservient to me? Do I really owe that robot anything, or rather does not the created thing owe everything to the creator? Although this rubs against our human pride if God is who Christians say He is then these posits are well posed. What does God owe me as a created being and what do I owe Him? If God is really big and I am really tiny then doesn't He have a responsibility to help me out? Is God really loving? What is the ultimate good? These are things I think about all the time.
For all you creative people out there do you realize you have actually never created anything? Do you realize that none of our thoughts are original? Everything we think of is just a copy, or an improvement on something. We cannot conceptualize something that we have not already seen. We just run around like children doing our best to copy something and make it look alive. We cannot make something live. Our closest attempt is procreation and even that is a process that has already been established.
For all you people that think you control something you should watch the Bourne trilogy and see how easy it is to kill people. (Ok I'll admit it's a pretend movie, but if a government thinks you are a big enough threat they will kill you, or at least make an attempt at hunting you down.) We control nothing. We can only destroy we cannot make something alive. Try making time stop, or changing a single hair from black to white. Our pitiful attempts at controlling even nature are laughable.
For all you techno geeks out there, it seems that the further we get in technology the more problems we have created for ourselves. From ethical dilemmas in health care, to the outstanding job we are doing polluting everything. Do we even know what a "clean" river is anymore? So all that silicon production for all those electronic toys that is never recycled what about that? Technology only seems to solve one problem to produce another greater and harder problem. Sorry no matter how cool things get we will still be wasteful, inefficient, organic creatures.
For all you green people out there. Stop whining about pollution and go live in the woods. What's that? Oh you don't want to give up your comfortable communications, heating, air conditioning, and modern convenience? Then shut it. Every internet blog about stopping pollution, being more "green", recycling, or any other of the silly things they have you believing is ridiculous. Wait how did you get that power? How did you get that computer? How did you get your food? Follow any process long enough and you will realize how "ungreen" every single thing you do is. If you are not living in the woods in a basic subsistence level lifestyle you are the biggest hypocrite I have ever seen. Trying to be "green" is pointless.
All this just to say if you pick a topic, point, or position what is the long term point of it all? Long term, like three million years after I die long term thinking. Too long you say? The how about three thousand? Three hundred? Thirty? Three? What affect can I have on any of it? What does any of this have to do with God?
What is God up to? From the creation of humans to where we are now what is the big picture? If Jesus Christ is the best God can think of what does that say about God? What does He want? If Jesus was God incarnate then feeding everyone in the word is not the point. He didn't do that even though he could have. Healing everyone of every disease is not the point either. He could have done that to and didn't. Sheltering everyone in the world is no the point either. He didn't do that (even though he was a carpenter). Christ said "I have come to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10), "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." (John 10:10) What was God doing in Christ? It is almost ridiculous in the very inception. God comes, lives a subsistence life. Builds tables and chairs for approximately 17 (Edit: I originally said 27 years! Sorry bad math skills late at night) years. Preaches and does miracles for three and then dies, rises again, and ascends to heaven. Huh? This is the greatest good from an all powerful God. I can't really wrap my mind around it. Why? Why, why, why? I don't get it. What is God after? What does he want?
This is where I live. Hope the discomfort is evident and shared.
